"Surprise Sex" Party

jon:  lets celebrate, bitch
ima pop outta yo cake
spray my frosting

jon:  blow my candles
unwrap my package
pull my ribbon
grab my gift sack

me:  well I hope you include a gift receipt
because I'm definitely gonna want to return whatever you "give" me

jon:  no returns
only abortions
haha im gonna give you a card that only says that
cryptically
me:  that's not exactly cryptic
seems pretty explicit to me
jon:  oh

me:  maybe you should just "surprise" me instead
BTW on a COMPLETELY unrelated note
I've decided to call rape "surprise sex" instead
jon:  makes sense

jon:  do you want a surprise party?